As Stubborn As They Get

I have noticed a trend developing in the relationship between Hannah (age 4) and I. She loves to bug me.

Sunday night while I was tucking Hannah in, I realized that she was fixing her pillows strait up and down. Ouch! I could only imagine the pain in her neck the next morning. So I fixed them for her and told her that she'd be much more comfortable. She gave me her "I-do-what-I-want" look and laid her head down.

The next morning, I went to wake up the girls for school and I found something very funny. I guess after I had left the room the night before Hannah had placed her pillows strait up and down again. (I should probably let you know that she likes to sleep with 2 big fluffy pillows. She also has 2 very small pillows just for her baby doll. She has plenty of pillows.) Instead of sleeping on her big pillows, she was sleeping on one of the tiny baby doll pillows. Go figure.

Last night we went through the same thing. This morning when I walked into their room to wake them up, Hannah wasn't even using a pillow. She waded up the little blanket she uses for her baby doll and used that as a pillow. She confessed today that she just didn't want me to be right about the pillows. She really is as stubborn as they get. She sacrifices her own comfort just so she won't have to be wrong.

Hannah has had many situations of stubbornness that has really tested my patience. I can handle Sarah. She's easy. We understand each other. But Hannah has it in her mind that everybody else is wrong. A couple weeks ago Hannah was learning the names of the months and the days of the week. She got them confused so I tried to correct her. But of course, I just had to be wrong. Tuesday was not a day. And September was not a month. And she was dead serious. It got to be just a little ridiculous.

By the way, this picture is evidence of Hannah's stubborn personality. I wanted to take a picture of her at a wedding reception but Hannah didn't want to. As soon as she saw me taking a picture of her big sister she knew she just had to make a statement.

Oh that child... But God knows I love her.

A year as a "mom"

I've never blogged. But today I will.

Growing up I was always a perfectionist. I planned things out. I knew what was going to happen and when it needed to be done. But the thing with plans is... they never work. I've always heard that if you want to make God laugh then you should just make plans. Well, God must have been laughing a lot at my plans. Things happen. This is how I am learning to submit to God's plan:

Josh and I got married in June of 2010. It was a beautiful wedding. All of our family and friends were there. It was perfect. But in Septemeber of the same year something not so perfect happened. We gained custody of Josh's two little sisters. I remember that day perfectly, though. Josh came home early from work and from the look on his face I knew that life would never be the same. He told me that it would be hard, but Sarah (age 9 then) and Hannah (age 3 then) needed us. It was only supposed to be temporary but people make mistakes. Some mistakes have longer reprocussions.

I had no idea what I was doing and I still don't know what I am doing. There have been days that have made me laugh so hard that I've cried. And there have been days that I've been so mad that I've cried. Before we got the girls, I thought I was quiet, calm and gentle. But I have learned that I can yell, I am easily frustrated and that I know how to slam a door. Sometimes I am the encourager. And other times I am the complainer. People keep telling me that I am doing a good job and that I am so strong. I like to believe that. Some days are harder than others, however.

Septemeber 17th will mark a year since we took the girls in. Their mother is reaping the consequences of unfortunate mistakes. I love my mother-in-law. She has a good head on her shoulders. She just chose not to use it at the wrong time. She should have died. From a medical perspective, it's a miracle that she's alive. But God had other plans. I have faith that she will be a good mother to the girls. I also have faith that she will use this experience to witness to people who need to hear her testimony.

So this is life in the unexpected. Never underestimate the changes in your life. God places them there for a reason. It takes a while to figure it out but when you do figure it out let me know. I'm still trying to figure it out.

                                                     (Easter 2011)