A year as a "mom"

I've never blogged. But today I will.

Growing up I was always a perfectionist. I planned things out. I knew what was going to happen and when it needed to be done. But the thing with plans is... they never work. I've always heard that if you want to make God laugh then you should just make plans. Well, God must have been laughing a lot at my plans. Things happen. This is how I am learning to submit to God's plan:

Josh and I got married in June of 2010. It was a beautiful wedding. All of our family and friends were there. It was perfect. But in Septemeber of the same year something not so perfect happened. We gained custody of Josh's two little sisters. I remember that day perfectly, though. Josh came home early from work and from the look on his face I knew that life would never be the same. He told me that it would be hard, but Sarah (age 9 then) and Hannah (age 3 then) needed us. It was only supposed to be temporary but people make mistakes. Some mistakes have longer reprocussions.

I had no idea what I was doing and I still don't know what I am doing. There have been days that have made me laugh so hard that I've cried. And there have been days that I've been so mad that I've cried. Before we got the girls, I thought I was quiet, calm and gentle. But I have learned that I can yell, I am easily frustrated and that I know how to slam a door. Sometimes I am the encourager. And other times I am the complainer. People keep telling me that I am doing a good job and that I am so strong. I like to believe that. Some days are harder than others, however.

Septemeber 17th will mark a year since we took the girls in. Their mother is reaping the consequences of unfortunate mistakes. I love my mother-in-law. She has a good head on her shoulders. She just chose not to use it at the wrong time. She should have died. From a medical perspective, it's a miracle that she's alive. But God had other plans. I have faith that she will be a good mother to the girls. I also have faith that she will use this experience to witness to people who need to hear her testimony.

So this is life in the unexpected. Never underestimate the changes in your life. God places them there for a reason. It takes a while to figure it out but when you do figure it out let me know. I'm still trying to figure it out.

                                                     (Easter 2011)