How to: Distract Me...

This morning during my first class, I felt my very strong cup coffee kick in. I must have looked like a druggy trying to take my test. My legs were spazzing out. My hands hand an obvious tremor. My heart was racing. It was very distracting to me. Oh, but then the fun continued when I finished my test and left to go practice some piano. I found out today that I cannot play piano when I am on a caffeine high. Beethoven, Chopin, Brahms... Whatever! It won't work!

Where I spend most of my time

That has basically been my life for the past month. I have not disappeared off the face of the earth. I have just been a little busy. (For those wondering what I decided to do with my life, I'm going to finish my music degree!) It has taken some time for me to adjust to my new lifestyle in school and being alone so much. Staying busy kind of distracts me from the fact that I am no longer living with and taking care of 3 other people. I posted before about expecting and empty nest, well now I have the empty nest. Am I supposed to be going through a midlife crisis too?

Josh is in California doing some training for his deployment and won't be back until February 11th. Thankfully, we have skype so it makes communication a little better. The distance is hard and will be harder when he's in Afghanistan but then again it makes me really proud. The job that he's training for is meaningful and will directly affect our freedom and safety. I hate that he has to go, but I'm glad God chose him because I know without a doubt that Josh is the man for that job. Also, here recently me and the other spouses have become a lot closer. It's hard to describe the bond that military spouses have. We haven't known each other long but based solely on our situation, it's more like a sisterhood. Those girls are there for me and I am there for them. We have a bond that is different than other friendships and it keeps us strong.

Coffee, school, and my sister spouses. Three key things to distract me from Josh's deployment.

Expecting... an empty nest.

Wow... the holidays FLEW by! Before Christmas I was a stay at home "mom," constantly busy with the kids and whatever else was going on. But now, goodness. It's been something else entirely.

Since Sarah and Hannah returned home to their mother, there have been plenty of things to get used to around our now quiet apartment. For one, I took a short little nap the other morning and I woke up in a frenzy thinking I was late to pick up Hannah from Pre-K. I am also still on their snack time schedule. Every time 3:30 rolls around I think of them while I stuff my face with oreos. Speaking of, that time is about right now. But Josh and I agree that it is hard with out them. I think we were fueled off of the constant drama or giggles coming out of their bedroom.

Ugly Christmas Sweater Party

But Josh and I are adapting quite well. We began by de-childproofing our home. We finally got to decorate the way that we wanted to and I owe all of it to my husband, really. He's simply amazing. I have registered for 15 hours worth of classes at ASU. I have had plenty of time to commit to picking up my skills on the piano and studying music theory. We have gone out with our friends many times. We even had my cousin and her boyfriend over for a BBQ (a first at the Burrow residence). But I can't help but think that this will also be short lived.

At the end of January Josh will begin traveling for all the training required for his deployment in March. I will get to spend some time with Josh before he leaves between these training trips but I can't allow myself to neglect school all together when he is home. That will be a tough concept to follow through with. My mind has allowed me to soak all this in very slowly and I am grateful for that. I'm not much of a crier unless something has really moved me beyond an overwhelming state of emotion. The petty things really don't both me, or at least I don't allow them to. But everything combined adds up to a loneliness that I know is inevitable. And that is an uncomfortable thought. How can I be lonely when I have so many friends and family around? How can I be lonely when I know that my best friend is only a phone call away? How can I be lonely when the One who I really need to talk to is only a prayer away? But still... loneliness.

I'm hoping that school and church will really consume most of my worries. Josh will be in dangerous territory but God has planned out everything so why should I doubt Him now? 2nd Timothy says that God didn't give us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. So I claim that over myself and Josh. Six months can only last so long.