Choosing Change

The other day I was watching Hannah play in the yard and a strong, crisp fall wind blew in and interrupted her adventures. She came came running to me with her hair in a mess and dirt all over her disgruntled face. It was then that I realized that fall has come and so have a few changes. The leaves have slightly tented in color, and the temperature has gotten below 90 but more than that, we have all grown.

Josh still can't get over the fact that Hannah is now wearing a toddler size 11 in shoes and a 5T in clothing. Sarah is still pencil thin, but she is starting to level in height with me. In fact, I let her wear my shoes from time to time. The growth in Josh and I is not as noticeable, but it is there. It's just underneath the surface. We have not grown in physical size (well, not by much) but we have expanded more in our mental growth. Marriage alone can do that to a person, but children tend to make you grow a lot more. And that's OK. It's necessary.

This past year has been all about the changes and the transition between one epic even to the next. Next week will start another transition period for us. This is the big one. This is the change that we have all been looking forward to all year. It does not mark the end of our unique experience but it does mark a new era. I'm looking forward to more smiles and hugs. I'm looking forward to many more happy family get-togethers. I'm especially looking forward to seeing God's workmanship come to life for my mother-in-law and her beautiful girls.

Last year was not a pretty picture and God chose to change it. Change reveals our flaws. Change uncovers what we try to hide. But the beauty of change is that it comes every morning. Change is good. It allows us to rid ourselves of all the same ol' junk that consistently consumes us. God chooses to change things for the better when the devil meant it for the worst. God chose to change my life so that I can be a better person. God chose to change our family's not so pretty picture into a masterpiece.

Hannah-isms

Hannah (age 4 and my sister-in-law) loves to sing songs. She also loves to say the weirdest things. She often unknowingly combines these two loves and brings so much amusement into our home. Here are a few:

1.   Me- "This is ridiculous."
      Hannah- "Your face is ridiculous!"

2. The real words of Nickelodeon's Victorious theme song- "You don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action."
     Hannah's version- "You don't have to be a part of the breeding action."

3. The real words to Colbie Caillat's I Won't- "I don't want to pretend that you are not my lover..."
    Hannah's- "You are not my brother."

4. The real words to praise and worship song Desert Song- "God is my victory and He is here."
    Hannah's- "God is my victory on a Saturday night."

5. The Farmer and the Dell song...
    Hannah's- "Hi-Ho the dontcha know..."

6. Abandon's song Hero- "He gave His life so we could be free."
    Hannah's- "He gave His life so we could be friends."

There are probably more Hannah-isms that I could list but they have become a normal occurance and I can't remember all of them. I know I have said before that she knows how to drive me crazy. She's 4 so I guess that just comes with the territory. But she also knows how to make me smile and when she does it brightens my day.

Yesterday I was worried about our whole situation with the girls and their mother. Hannah interrupted my thoughts because she wanted to tell me about something she learned at church. She began telling me the story about how Jesus calmed the waters. She got so excited and said,"Guess what Jesus said!?" I shrugged. She replied, "Peace be still." How awesome is it that I just so happened to be tossing and turning in the waves of my worry? And then she comes up and quotes Jesus!

She may say the strangest things but to me they're beginning to make sense.

Rolling With The Punches

It seems like the closer we get to giving the girls back to their mom, the harder it is. You'd think that it would start to get easier but it's not. Unexpected things just keep happening and it's very disheartening.

Did you know that one of the men who was chosen to sell guns to the Mexican cartel in the fast and the furious case uses food stamps as his source of income? Law abiding citizens who struggle everyday to get by are competing with this guy for federal help. How ridiculous! Of course you hear it everyday. Lazy people are moochers and will get what they want without working for it, or at least legally working for it. The Air Force has been our one and only source of income during our time of supporting Sarah and Hannah. We have received no financial help because of some stupid rules and yet we are making it.

The government has threatened to shut down several times, thus putting military pay at a stand still until agreements have been made. Luckily, it has never came to the point where we haven't received Josh's pay check. But I have no worries even if it comes to that point. God is my provider. He is our source of revenue and financial support. He sees our need and He fills it. I have no doubt in my mind that the reason our family is making it is because we trust in a God who is greater than any power of an economy, government, parliament, president or ruler on earth.

So yes, we are dealing with some very unexpected things right now. Money always stresses out everybody but we are OK in that department. The emotional and physical damage that the girls have undergone surpasses anything I could ever worry about. Oh and Josh is getting deployed to Afghanistan in March... This world and some of the people in it are so evil. But 2 Timothy says that God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. So I'm gonna try and marinate on that. I know there is a greater purpose for all the negative in my life, even if I can't see it right now.

23 with lots of memories

Tomorrow I will turn 23. It doesn't seem possible. Birthdays always make me reminisce on the past. You might enjoy some of this.

I remember back in elementary school when Josh had become my new crush. At age 10, I didn't realize that he would be the one I'd marry. But I sure knew that he was something else. I remember one day he flipped his eye lids out and it freaked me out! I seriously had a nightmare about Josh that night. It was most likely at that point when I realized that he was a little more than something else I wanted at the time.  

Just guess which one is Josh

But Josh had already sworn to himself that he'd marry me one day. He reminds me of that moment all the time. I was on the stage in the Bonham Elementary cafeteria for our 4th grade talent show. I had a mic in hand and my favorite glittery leather jacket on. I sang and danced my heart out that day to Britney Spears' "Sometimes I Run." Embarrassing, yes. But if that's what it took to win his heart, I'd do it everyday. Josh remembers everything even down to my dance moves. Next time you see us, you should get Josh to do the dance for you. He does it better than me.

Well, we couldn't stay kids forever, but I don't mind. Josh's little sister Sarah, is now 10 and she already having crush after crush. Hannah (4) loves everybody. At one point she wanted to marry me. Then the next day she told me that me and "bubba" had to break up so that she could marry her "bubba." Now that she is in pre-K she is around more boys her age, one of which has a crush on her! Oh my! But he is always super sweet to her. Last Friday when they were walking together to the parking lot, I heard him tell her that he liked her and he hoped she had a great weekend. It was so sweet but also a little crazy! They're only 4!

As we grow older it seems like the younger kids just grow in every way possible. It's a little scary. One day Sarah and Hannah will find a guy who will hopefully treat them as good as their bubba treats me. I just hope it will be more later than sooner!

I'll try to add some pictures of me when I was younger another time. All those pictures are at my parent's house.